2008 was one of the best years of my life. It was the year where I learnt that my relationship with the Lord far outweighed any other thing I may ever try to do. There were down times as well, when I wandered, when I was disobedient to a clear directive or when I fell into temptation. Here are a few key milestones for the year and below you will find highlights for the year.
Seminary Theologi Malaysia At the beginning of the year, I decided to 'quit the beaten path' and take up Theological studies. It was a welcomed and refreshing change which also made me appreciate my work in GPRO more. Many people I knew questioned the wisdom of such a decision, but I knew that this was something I needed to do. Through the past year or so, I have learnt to take up greater responsibility for my life and the lives of those around me. Seminary has also taught me a greater respect for His Word, and shown to me its incredible depth and its unspeakable treasures. I do not even know where to begin!
The Voice of the Beloved This year was also the year where the Lord spoke to me clearly on many occasions. It was also the year when I discovered His true 'Father's Voice'. I only started recognizing His Voice once certain strongholds were broken and torn down. But once I learnt how to hear Him speak in such a manner, my entire outlook on life has changed. I learnt what "God is for us, not against us" truly means.
The Unwilling Leader Like so many who have gone before me (and some who are learning from my own mistakes) I learnt how to take up greater roles in leadership (although I have always believed myself to be the worst leader imaginable- and still do) not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to learn humility, obedience and trust. I knew that I would (definitely) make many mistakes and fall flat on my face (on many occasions). But, through the 'testing' experiences I also learnt how to get up and walk away.
Learning to Let Go This year was also special because I learnt how to say 'No' abit more firmly, and to let go of things outside of my control. Yes, I have to admit here that I have always been a control-freak till now; and I won't blame those who have worked with me if they would eye me suspiciously. I do not begin to claim that I have fully attained this understanding, but I have become more aware of the implications of my words and deeds, as I learn to not always demand my way. Of course, the right balance will always be needed, and prior to this I have always been one-sided. So, I praise God for freeing me!
Highlights for 2008 [For those who don't want to wade through the above stuff]1. Joined STM and have been having a ball: relating on spiritual and 'earthly' issues with crazy, whacked out and sincere students. Learning servanthood and leadership. Learning humility, patience and insight.
2. Was part of MYPG. Seeing it become a reality always leaves me speechless. I know there will be more to come, but as I step back and allow Him to move, I'm blown away by the way He answers prayers and provides.
3. Realized my own small role in nation-building. I learnt that I
do have an important part to play- both as a leader and as a friend, and I hope to put some of these principles into action next year. May the Lord continue to shine light on this dark path.
4. Felt His forgiveness. I sinned big-time this year- more than all my previous years as a Christian combined, and I wondered whether I could ever be forgiven of my depravity. But His grace washed over me almost instantaneously after the 'episode' and His love and compassion reduced me to a sobbing wreck. Now as I move closer into Him, I know that this will be standard practice.
5. Learnt the importance of obtaining a "Full Consensus." Through my mentor, I learnt how important it is to let the Lord lead through others, and not trying to dominate their actions or thinking by persuasion, emotional blackmail or cunning. This means trust, deeper prayer and a generous amount of patience. Which I have realized makes life much more fun and easy to bear, ironically.
6. Watched The Dark Knight. Was taken more by the story, plot and strength of characterization by all parties, and not just one. Identified alot with the film and clarified many of the approaches to which I have embraced. I hope to watch it again, God willing.
7. Allowing myself to fail. This, as mentioned above, has given me a greater propensity to try new things and attempt new projects, even with the prospect of failing big time. But the way becomes clearer, in spite of repeated mistakes and flops on my part, and even more so in the Path, I know that I'm not one of those 'do-it-right-the-first-time' guys. I tell myself to move on and learn from my mistakes.
8. Learning to take things one moment at a time. Living for Christ was reduced to a moment by moment creed; picking up from Brother Lawrence's advice on living everything for the Love of God, I have become more attentive to details. These words also free me from the obsessive need to please others all the time, and allowed me to embrace who I am in Christ, warts and all.
9. True humility is being able to be known for who you really are. This was another precious lesson learnt, going through the Yada lessons. I want to walk the path of humility, as Christ walked, and be known as a jerk, pervert, dumb, egoistic, chauvinistic pig, hypocrite of the first order, adulterer, bitter, and incorrigible sinner. Lord, have mercy.
10. Do not insult the intelligence of another. This lesson has made me change from my former overly-patronizing demeanor to one who just rattles on. Looking back, I realize I was so boorish I could be stuck to a wall and not be noticed. Now, I speak and disappear.
So that's a simple snapshot of what happened. There is so much more, but I tire from my own verbosity and if I do carry on, I'll just be repeating myself. So, here's to 2009 and the adventures it will bring!
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